5 Virtues for a Busy World

Sixty-hour workweeks are the prayers we send up to the career gods on high. And if we hustle hard enough, work long enough, and advance far enough, we’ll be admitted into the pearly gates of success and satisfaction. In sainthood, we’ll reap our rewards: a fancy title, a fat bank account, and a Ferrari in the driveway.

As a society, we believe that hustling is the key to unlocking those rewards. We just need to work a little bit harder, sleep a little bit less, and grind a little bit more. This hyperactivity mindset bleeds into all facets of our lives, as we’re constantly plugged into our social media accounts, television sets, and computers.

We’re now socially conditioned to respond urgently to non-urgent things — Slack messages, work emails, push notifications, texts. We’re always on, always plugged in.

Solitude and tranquility are things of the past, echoes of a bygone era when people knew how to slow down.

Instead, we’re so focused on moving faster and getting ahead that we neglect to consider where we’re headed. We fixate upon what we want to have rather than who we want to become. We think more about the title we want on our office door than about the epitaph we want on our tombstone.

We make instant mental associations — many of which are flawed or at least overly simplistic:

• Busy = Important
• Important = Rich
• Rich = Successful
• Successful = Happy

Our faulty mental equations imply that busyness leads to happiness. We naively assume that if we can look good on the outside, we’ll find fulfillment on the inside.

But that’s bullshit. Life doesn’t work like that.

We’re so focused on getting ahead that we neglect to consider where we’re headed. We think more about the title we want on our office door than about the epitaph we want on our tombstone.

Our hyperactivity model is flawed. Hyperactivity doesn’t lead to happiness; it leads to hypertension. I think we’re all looking for something more, even if we don’t realize it.

Amidst the chaos swirling around us, we can ground into deeper virtues — virtues that lead to true happiness and contentment.

The five virtues described below are overlooked in our busy world, but they offer a better path to success and fulfillment.

1. Solitude: Being alone without feeling lonely

“All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” - Blaise Pascal

In our fast-paced, tech-dominated world, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to spend any time alone.

Many of us work in open-concept offices that deny even a minute of solitude. Modern conference rooms are made with glass walls, meaning employees cannot even hideaway to complete work in private. Instant messaging services like Slack are ubiquitous, setting the implicit standard that we all need to be connected all the time. “Always on” means that we’re not only perpetually available for clients, but we’re also slaves to our colleagues’ spontaneous musings, questions, and cat videos.

Solitude and tranquility are things of the past, echoes of a bygone era when people knew how to slow down.

After we finish our workdays, we run into other distractions. Our televisions are on for almost 5 hours per night, our cell phones chirp incessantly with new texts and notifications, and our social media pages tempt us to check the latest comments and likes we’ve received from our online communities.

Author John Graves wrote, “We don’t know much about solitude these days, nor do we want to. A crowded world thinks that aloneness is always loneliness, and that to seek it is perversion.”

It’s true: as a society, we are no longer comfortable being alone.

Solitude may not be comfortable, but it offers unique benefits that we cannot find amidst our status quo of hyperactivity.

Wise men and women throughout history have used solitude to guide them through tough situations. While the Civil War ravaged America, Abraham Lincoln retreated to a nearby cottage to rest, think, and ponder his response to the South’s secession. From the solitude of that cabin, Lincoln composed the Emancipation Proclamation.

John F. Kennedy embraced the quiet of the White House Rose Garden during the chilling moments of the Cuban Missile Crisis. He went there to flee his opinionated counselors and mine the depths of his soul to determine how best to handle the crisis.

“Solitude allows you to reflect while others are reacting,” says General James Mattis. “We need solitude to refocus on prospective decision-making, rather than just reacting to problems as they arise.”

Sometimes the best way to gain perspective on your world is to find a way to leave it. Solitude offers altitude on decisions. It helps us see the entire battlefield rather than narrowly focusing on what’s in front of us.

Solitude helps us cut through the clutter to determine what is most important — for our lives, careers, and future.

2. Stillness: Finding peace amidst the raging storm

“I could work at a problem for years, but to wait inactive for twenty-four hours — that is another matter.”  -The Time Traveller in H.G. Wells’s The Time Machine

Our society lauds busyness. “I’ve been busy” is a common refrain of those who want to seem important. A packed calendar indicates prestige and power, no less than a Brooks Brothers suit or a slick sports car.

But if we never take the time to slow down, can we ever do anything of substance?

It is in the moments of silence — not activity — that we develop character. Only when the body is quiet can the spirit speak. Our challenge is to cultivate stillness amidst the craziness of everyday life.

Whereas solitude pertains to our physical state, stillness pertains to our mental state. World-class athletes remain still amidst a crowd of screaming fans. Open-heart surgeons must find stillness in a frantic operating room in order to have a steady hand. Public speakers develop tactics to quiet their racing pulse while speaking in front of thousands.

Stillness has many names: mindfulness, presence, calmness, serenity. Those who find stillness are able to embrace the present moment, to sit in it without grasping for the future or wallowing in the past. They are able to slow their mind and soul even as the rest of the world speeds up.

MLB hitting coach Dave Hudgens describes how he can recognize stillness in his ballplayers: “I know when a hitter is locked in, or in the zone. Nothing is in their mind and everything slows down.”

Everything slows down. Wouldn’t it be great to experience that?

It is in the moments of silence — not activity — that we develop character. Only when the body is quiet can the spirit speak. Our challenge is to cultivate stillness amidst the craziness of everyday life.

“It’s ironic that stillness is rare and fleeting in our busy lives because the world creates an inexhaustible supply of it,” says author Ryan Holiday. “It’s just that nobody is looking.”

We should look for and cultivate moments of stillness in our daily lives.

3. Self-Reflection: Examining one’s own life

“Self-reflection is the quality that most differentiates those who evolve quickly from those who don’t. Remember: Pain + Reflection = Progress.”  -Ray Dalio

In a world of go-go-go, it’s rare to find people who take the time to stop and evaluate where they’re going, why they’re going there, and how they’re living up to their own definition of success.

Our world has never seen more self-absorption and less self-reflection. We’re too busy posting on Instagram about our great lives to question whether we like what we see in the mirror.

Self-evaluation is uncomfortable. It doesn’t offer the instant gratification we’ve grown accustomed to from dopamine hits and nonstop entertainment. Just the opposite: self-reflection is often painful in the moment. It’s like hydrogen peroxide that stings when applied but heals over the long term.

Self-reflection is so rare today that we’re shocked when we see someone with a refined process of evaluating their own actions.

In her book Thinking in Bets, poker champion Annie Duke tells a story about legendary poker professional Phil Ivey. Ivey had just notched another tournament victory — winning $500,000. He went out for dinner that night with Annie’s brother Howard (who is also a poker professional). Howard expected a night of champagne and revelry to celebrate Ivey’s big win. Instead, Ivey spent the evening analyzing all of the poker hands he thought he could have played better. He was more interested in learning from his failures than celebrating his victories. Howard realized that Ivey’s intense self-reflection was a core aspect of Ivey’s success.

Self-reflection is often painful in the moment. It’s like hydrogen peroxide that stings when applied but heals over the long term.

Self-reflection involves investing time no one will ever see (journaling, meditating, praying, etc.) to strengthen and deepen your character. Others will see the fruit of your labor, but they will never see the hard work it took to get there. The seeds of character are often planted in the dark.

4. Selflessness: Serving something greater than yourself

“There is joy in self-forgetfulness. So I try to make the light in others’ eyes my sun, the music in others’ ears my symphony, the smile on others’ lips my happiness.” -Helen Keller

For the first time in history, we have virtually unlimited access to tools that can broadcast our every move and thought. We’re encouraged to share our vacation pics on Instagram, our career successes on LinkedIn, our pithy musings on Twitter, and our hilarious videos on TikTok and YouTube. This access has unleashed millions of new creators upon the world.

No social platform is inherently good or evil; they are what we make them out to be. But we have used them as mechanisms to feed our vanity, self-doubt, and selfishness.

The upshot of these social tools is that ordinary people can reach thousands of people instantly, which has brought much-needed attention to struggling artists, undiscovered musicians, and budding writers. But these social tools have also prompted each of us to turn inward more than ever before.

No social platform is inherently good or evil; they are what we make them out to be. But we have used them as mechanisms to feed our vanity, self-doubt, and selfishness.

As a result, humanity has become more self-absorbed than ever before.

If we can instead learn how to forget ourselves and put others first, we’ll find life to be much more abundant than we thought possible.

In his book The Second Mountain, David Brooks says that many people realize that scaling the mountain of career success is not fulfilling, so they seek out a “second mountain” — an opportunity to give back and help others.

“If the first mountain is about building up the ego and defining the self,” says Brooks, “the second mountain is about shedding the ego and losing the self. If the first mountain is about acquisition, the second mountain is about contribution. If the first mountain is elitist — moving up — the second mountain is egalitarian — planting yourself amid those who need, and walking arm in arm with them.”

Brooks goes on to say that “the health of society depends on voluntary unselfishness.” Society is fueled by large and small actions of unselfishness: feeding the homeless, sorting books at the local library, helping a friend move to a new apartment, or coaching an after-school program.

Losing oneself in a greater purpose is often the best way to find oneself.

5. Self-Discipline: Controlling one’s emotions and actions

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” -Aristotle

Self-discipline is a rare commodity these days. We’re surrounded by examples of emotion run amok — people who lead with their tongues rather than their minds. Political rants on Twitter. Vicious battles with online trolls. Shouting matches in the Senate chambers.

The world has a surprising lack of chill. And it’s getting worse — not better.

Emboldened by our current political climate and empowered by online anonymity, we succumb to our basest emotions. We’ve forgotten how to act with decorum, kindness, and tact.

Cambridge Dictionary defines self-discipline as “the ability to make yourself do things you know you should do even when you do not want to.”

At our core, we know we should be collaborative and kind. But we lack the self-discipline to flex those emotional muscles. Instead, we give in to the path of least resistance: treating others the way we feel like treating them.

Developing self-discipline requires us to take the high road — the one that is temporarily arduous and unsatisfying but ultimately more noble and virtuous.

The seeds of character are often planted in the dark.

Self-discipline means wielding your patience rather than your wit. It means adhering to a personal moral code rather than a societal common code. It means bridling the most rebellious stallions in the pasture: our ego and emotions.

Solitude, stillness, self-reflection, selflessness, and self-discipline are underappreciated virtues in our busy world.

There are hundreds of ways to embody these five virtues. Here are a few ideas for how we can start to orient ourselves toward this richer form of life:

• Schedule a solo retreat
• Begin a daily journaling practice
• Take time to rest and do nothing amidst the busyness of a frantic day
• Read deep, philosophical, challenging books
• Meditate
• Go on long walks
• Focus on what you can control — not what you can’t control
• Conduct a weekly personal retrospective
• Ask friends and family for feedback on how you can improve your character
• Volunteer to help an organization or cause greater than yourself
• Follow through on your commitments — even the small ones and even the ones you make to yourself

Society will do everything in her power to keep us running inside our hamster wheel of hyperactivity.

Are you going to keep running? Or is it time to find a better way?