5 Reasons You Should Go On a ‘Solo Retreat’
If your computer or WiFi stops working, your resident IT guru will encourage you to unplug or reset the device. Supposedly the system needs to go offline for a minute so it can then come back online and begin functioning properly.
That’s easy enough for computer hardware, but what’s the solution when YOU are the device that stops functioning properly?
If you feel like you’re swimming through an endless sea of emails, Slack messages, and daily minutiae, you’re not alone. More than ever, our lives are dominated by a cacophony of digital tweets, chirps, alerts, and notifications. The sheer number of these digital disruptions can make it hard to find a free minute alone in silence.
Against this backdrop of nonstop busyness, back in 2016 I decided to embark on my first “solo retreat.”
What is a Solo Retreat?
I had read about Bill Gates doing an annual “Think Week” and decided it would be worthwhile to try something similar. So I talked to a mentor of mine who had a cabin in the woods and asked if I could crash there for a couple of nights. He agreed, so I packed a weekender bag to spend two days in the mountains by myself.
I spent the weekend going on long walks, thinking, praying, reading, and journaling. It felt strange to be away from the rest of civilization, but I quickly realized that I enjoyed the feeling.
That weekend, I experienced many new sensations:
- Hearing complete silence
- Ambling on a nature walk without worrying about the time
- Putting my phone on airplane mode and forgetting it even existed
- Gawking at a sky of twinkling stars unaffected by light pollution
The weekend was unique, life-giving, and therapeutic. I decided right away that I wanted to incorporate frequent solo retreats into my life.
Fast-forward to today: I’m now on my seventh solo retreat. This time I find myself on a sleepy little island off the coast of Seattle: Vashon Island.
I’m staying in an Airbnb that consists of one open room with a bed, fireplace, desk, couch, and countertop (pictured in the featured image above).
This morning, after sleeping in until 9 a.m., I trekked two hours to a nearby lighthouse and wandered through walking trails and neighborhoods.
When I go on hikes like this during solo retreats, I try to embrace the childlike enthusiasm of a five-year-old. I stop to stare at moss-covered trees, stoop to touch slimy slugs, traipse down trails that look adventurous, and keep a watchful eye for wildlife.
“Spirited curiosity is an emblem of the flourishing life.” -Epictetus
This morning, I stumbled on a deer that was as interested in me as I was in her. We held eye contact for about 30 seconds before she heard a noise that prompted her to resume her voyage.
These solo retreats have been so fulfilling that I’ve now begun to schedule them twice per year — spring and fall. I’ve already booked my next one for this September at a small cabin near Mount Rainier in Washington.
Why Should You Take a Solo Retreat?
I’ve been amazed by how much I benefit from the simple activity of spending a couple of nights in the woods.
Here’s what you’d get from the experience:
1. The chance to think
The nonstop go-go-go of our daily lives leaves little time to think about anything other than work, kids’ soccer practice, and home improvement projects. It’s rare to get five minutes of silence because there’s always something to do or somewhere to be. Spending a weekend away can give you the chance to strategically evaluate what’s most important to you.
2. The chance to self-reflect
How do you want the world to be different as a result of the life you led? (And when’s the last time you asked yourself a question like that?) It’s tough to reflect on the bigger aspects of life when the world is moving a mile a minute. A solo retreat is an exercise in self-discovery and reflection. After all, you’re the only person around to talk to.
3. The chance to unplug
I’m in my 30s, but my stance toward social media is closer to a 70-year-old Boomer than a tech-savvy Gen Y. I think it’s a travesty that the average person spends 2.5 hours on social media everyday. Taking a solo retreat can be your chance to experience the “joy of missing out” (JOMO).
4. The chance to relax
When I take solo retreats, I let myself do whatever will feel most relaxing—including just resting. I’ve meditated, taken naps, and sat on a stump to watch birds for 15 minutes. That type of relaxation is big breath of fresh air for the body and mind.
5. The chance to redefine yourself
Whenever I meet someone new, one of the first things they tell me is their job. It’s a gut reflex for most of us: “My name is Bobby and I’m a [role] at [company].” I don’t know about you, but I want to have a personal identity outside of my employer. I want to know who I am and what I stand for. And sometimes the only way to dive into that deeper “heart knowledge” is to get away from the rest of the world to get to know yourself.
How to Make the Most of the Experience
When I talk to friends about my solo retreats, they often express interest in the idea but don’t know where to start.
Honestly, you can handle your retreat however you want. The key is to do something that works for you. There’s no right way to do a trip like this, so please take my advice as mere considerations — not gospel. But here are a few ideas to take under advisement:
Pick a weekend on the calendar. Even if you have to book it five or six months from now, pick a weekend and schedule it. Pull up Airbnb, set a couple of search filters for what you’re looking for, and pull the trigger.
Choose somewhere remote. In order to get the benefits mentioned above (unplugging, relaxing, etc.), I’ve found it’s often best to go somewhere off the beaten path. Avoid big cities. Choose a small town in the mountains or near a lake.
Limit your usage of technology. Don’t spend your retreat doom-scrolling on Instagram or TikTok. I still bring my laptop and phone, but I limit my usage to things like writing, research, and an occasional call or text to my wife.
Don’t go in with a “to-do” list. I consider myself to be a hyper-productive person. I create a personal goals list every week that connects back to my annual objectives. But despite my relentless focus on productivity, I give myself a pass on these retreats. Sure, I still make progress on big projects (e.g., I’m working on a book proposal this weekend) but I don’t set out rigid goals because doing so could impede my relaxation and reflection.
Bring a journal. Hopefully you’ll learn a lot about yourself during this time away from “real life.” Take notes about your experience and what you’re learning.
Soak up nature. Go on a hike or a long walk. Sit on a park bench and watch life happen around you. Roam the beach and watch the waves caress the sand. Scientists and early studies have even suggested that spending time in nature can improve concentration and attention. (It’s called “attention restoration theory.”)
Take pictures. Even though I’m a cyber curmudgeon at heart, I see camera phones as a huge upside of modern technology. When I go on long nature walks, I flip my phone into airplane mode but still bring it with me so I can take pictures of beautiful landscapes and animals.
Allow yourself to be blown by the wind. Half the fun is stumbling upon random things. Follow your feet wherever they want to go. I’ve had multiple times that I turned a corner on an aimless trek, only to find an incredible view of a shimmering lake or a creature that I’d never encounter in my urban neighborhood.
Spend a lot of time in silence. Although it’s tempting to pop in headphones to listen to a podcast or music, I’ve decided to spend most of my solo retreats in silence. Use the quiet time to think, meditate, pray, or journal.
I hope this story offers the encouragement necessary for you to book your first solo retreat. Enjoy the experience and may it help you recharge, reflect, refresh, and reconnect with yourself.
If I can help with anything as you plan your first retreat, please let me know in the comments.
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